many days

2009-05-31T01:58:00.001-07:00

AARON I I I LOVE YOUUUU <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

2009-05-13T04:11:00.000-07:00

Exams are over! Wannahavefunwannahavefunwannahavefun?

Like noooo, everyone else is having exams T.T.

at least my school mates arent!

anyway i'm too lazy to blog, just thought I should update a bit before my blog slams into dead zone. i should be scheduling parties but what i really wanna do is, like, sleep. A lot.

endless tubs of fun...

lse signing off~

2009-04-22T01:54:00.001-07:00

You racist bitch
Intoxicant
So poison black
And drinking more
Blue like the sunshine
Blue blood black
Race through your veins like alcohol
We're fast and driven, going down

2009-04-19T07:59:00.001-07:00

Do you feel like we made a mistake somehow
Along this path, scattering shells and timeless bombs
Our naive laughter, whispered hints,
Casting light and darkness still

I didn't know it could end like this. It was so sudden, so unexpected, it scared me. Soul deep, head deep, somewhere buried in my heart. One of the places where I thought no one could touch me at all.

Time proves me wrong over and over again. What I thought you were won't come true. What you thought I was wasn't real, either. We just ended lying to each other so easily over all these years, and when all the layers are peeled, what we saw took each other back.

I'm afraid of a lot of things now. What I can do. What I can't be. I'm so afraid and I'm so scared, somewhere I can't face up to. All the things I fought for and thought about, it all amounts to nothing in the end. All the things I want, I can never have. What I have, I cannot handle. I'm a fucking contradiction of terms, of names, words and promises. I'm nobody.

2009-04-02T03:52:00.001-07:00

I was so afraid. I love him. He's my brother.

I never want him to die.

2009-03-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

School's coming. I feel soooo exhilarated! Don't you? Don't you?

Oh, fuck this shit.

2009-03-18T05:15:00.001-07:00

I give up.

2009-03-04T04:12:00.000-08:00

Why don't you just be yourself, it's so much easier than trying to be someone else. They don't approve of you, the things you do, the way you act, the shit you say. They don't like you. They hate you and your kind. So you try so hard to be someone else.

Why? It's not easy at all. We do things that benefit ourselves, like trying to fit in, but if it's difficult than why? It's not beneficial. They are the ones that get satisfied, not us. It's so stupid. It's pointless. I'd rather be happy doing what I like if it's so hard to pretend. I learned that yesterday. Thank you, banana (it's a code name, not my penis). I now understand the logic I've been searching for so long, the one everyone else has already gotten but me.

2009-02-27T04:07:00.001-08:00

I sprained my ankle again.

The same ankle.

With my interact friends around too.

I did acupuncture treatment this time. Fuck the other chinese guy. He fucking twisted my ankle back into place. At least this one is as painless as possible.

Soooo, I can't drink cold drinks again. Or wash that foot. Or go ice skating. Or run and jump and hop and fall.

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE?????????

I miss french fries. :/ Sorry Nat, Bern, for not being able to go to the debate today. Gack.

We all make promises we can't keep :)

2009-02-16T03:34:00.000-08:00

Lol, since everyone's all hyped over what happened on V day, I'm blogging here!

Or I would, if only I remembered half of what I did that night. XD.

Thank you so very much to Hidayah, Taq, Suzanna, Claudia and Max for helping me out that night. I don't know what I'd have done without you guys!

And as Hiddy and Princess T says, it was, indeed, a very MEMORABLE DAY :D:D:D.

Now, is anyone free next week...?

NAAAAH.

But I do promise I'll not go overboard. Ok? Tik? Yaya?

lse signing off~ (pics on facebook)

2009-02-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

I'm arguing on GD.
It's so pointless.
We're arguing about adhd, and that there is always thought process involved in doing "random" things.
Of course, I'm backing the thought process theory.
Then this guy brings up adhd.
And some other guy argues.
and the guy is like "don't act like u know more, i have adhd."
and im like "just cause u have it doesn't mean u know more about the theory behind it."
and he's like "i wrote a 10,000 word research paper on it."

Holy fuck.

GD always wins.

Or should I say, the fucking geniuses and law breakers lurking around this forum.

2009-02-09T00:40:00.001-08:00

COME ON!

SING IT!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!

THE CA WEEK IS HERE~

2009-02-01T04:30:00.000-08:00

I painted the sky
A thousand different colors
Laying down my misery
And heart to see you again
I cried
A million tears
But these feelings won't disappear
And I was left standing, wondering if it was real at all
I waited alongside the new day
Praying for unforgettable memories
That were worth, after all this,
Living Life for
New dawns and broken whispers
Tracing through the night we first met
Lost, dust, hand in hand
Swearing vows we managed to break in all these years
Tell me a secret, I want to know
The other side of this illusion
That Life fed us, too sincerely,
And all these lies, this hope
I lived Life believing, I would know
My future, my past, my own feelings
But the time passed, I lost you
And I realized, I knew nothing at all

2009-01-20T01:23:00.000-08:00

I'm annoying, I'm grouchy, I'm getting pissed at everyone who isn't talking to me.

I want to sleep.

But I have a friend in my hooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuse. I can't just sleep.

BUT SHE'S JUST WATCHING TV.

No stamina le. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

2009-01-16T01:54:00.000-08:00

It's a small step from techno to pop. It's a small step from pop to boyband pop rock. It's a small step from pop rock to rock. It's a small step from rock to alt rock. It's a small step from alt rock to metal.

Gott ist ein popstar - Oomph!

Our Father in heaven
Hallowed be thy Name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in Heaven
And forgive us for our Sins
And lead us not into Temptation
But deliver us from all that's evil

I give you all love
I give you all Hope
Or so it seems
'Cause the masses want to buy a dream!

God is a Popstar!
And the show starts now
God is a Popstar!
Hear the screaming crowd
God is a Popstar!
Master of them all
God is a Popstar!
'Til the curtain falls

Our Father in heaven
Hallowed be the lie
My flesh for someone
My will be done
So give us Heaven on Earth now
And forgive us for all our desires
Now lead us into Temptation
And deliver us from all that's evil

I give you all love
I give you all hope
Or so it seems
'Cause the masses want to buy a dream!

God is a Popstar!
And the show starts now
God is a Popstar!
Hear the screaming crowd
God is a Popstar!
Master of them all
God is a Popstar!
'Til the curtain falls

We're all so happy
We're all in love with the show
The World is holy
Together we're all alone

We're all so happy
So all come get in line
The World is holy
The lie will set you all free

God is a Popstar!
And the show starts now
God is a Popstar!
Hear the screaming crowd
God is a Popstar!
Master of them all
God is a Popstar!
'Til the curtain falls

2009-01-08T06:20:00.000-08:00

If the rest of the year was like this week, I think I will die.

Anyway, I just read like a couple of posts from my old blog. Those who've known me since sec 1 will probably remember it. You know, the one where i write in like continuous short cuts and and small-case letters with no paragraphing whatsoever.

"2dae gt ttn. SOBS. i dun wanna do hmwk lorx! so annoying. den ltr still nid do sch hmwk. i dun even haf enuff foolscap paper."

And the entire post is written like that. I couldn't even get past the 3rd line. I wonder how the hell you guys managed to read my blog last time.

Anyway, I'm OFFICIALLY IN LOVE WITH AKG. ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION. I LOVE THEM. I mean, I knew they were good. They had like theme songs for Naruto, Bleach and FMA, 3 of the most popular animes EVER. You know, Haruka Kanata, After Dark, Rewrite. So I downloaded all their albums and EPs except for one that I couldn't find anywhere. Call it piracy or whatever, but I don't exactly have a choice, unless if I get someone from Japan to buy it and mail it to me like what Bern did with that Arashi magazine.

I LOVE THEM. SERIOUSLY. Everytime I listen to their albums, there's always a new song that catches my attention. I'm falling in love with like every song. There're 10 albums. 98 songs. I don't like Entrance from Feedback File, but that's about it. My cousin sent me a shitload of Big Bang and Epik High songs, like every single album of each band, but I still went back to AKG. I love them.

2008-12-19T18:15:00.001-08:00

Sometimes life moves the way we want it to, fitting into place like the gears of a watch. Everybody complains about how bad things are going, about their personal problems and worries, like the bad things will go away if someone or something gives in. But me? I’m just glad when for once, things stop spinning out of control, and suddenly you feel like the world will let you get back on your feet.

My silver pumps flash in the dark, glinting when the street light hits it. The cold spring breeze in the air slaps me like cold steel but I continue walking in my over-sized guy’s shirt, shorts and stockings. My mass of thick purple-streaked black hair hangs to the middle of my back, my face roofed with a straight fringe almost touching the neon green bar through my eyebrows.

A street full of pubs loom into sight through the dark night; all the stars in the sky slowly fade into its glare. I fish out a cigarette from a pocket and light it with my Zippo lighter. A stream of smoke escapes my lips not long after, signifying the burning pleasure down my throat, deep within my lungs.

There’re many reasons for why I am the way I am now. I dye my hair because I wanna put a bit of the mess in me on the outside, maybe to warn or tell people what they’ll be getting when they look at me. I smoke because it looked good, but now because it feels good. But the most important reason, to an unimportant question, is that I live on every single day of my life because I know everyone’s going to die in the end.

I spot Jesse standing near, or leaning against, a broken streetlamp. Even in the dark, his blue hair stands out like a brand. His metal piercings glint dully, seven of them on each ear lobe, two loops on his lips. As I near him, I make out shards of broken glass on the floor, underneath the broken streetlight.

“How’d that happen?” I ask as I approach, eyes fixed on the light. “God struck it with lightning,” he replied. With long white fingers, he plucks the cigarette from me and takes a drag, piercing blue eyes still staring at me, almost silver.

“I meant you,” I say, although that wasn’t true. A moment of passion,” he answers in monotone, “An error, a mistake. The fusion of an egg and-” “Jesse. You know what I mean. You’ve been missing for a week, and suddenly you call me out and show up with…”

“With what?” he asks as I trail off. When I don’t reply, he throws the cigarette down without snuffing it. “So typical, Sloane. Always pretending bad things don’t happen, always denying it when it’s in your fucking face.” The words hit like a slap; I take a step back. My mind finally processes what my eyes refuse to see. Bruises are blooming across his skin, accompanied by red lines crisscrossing each other.

But what he said was half-true. When it came to him, all my beliefs, all my morals, fuck, all my world comes to a halt. When it came to him, I couldn’t just swallow down the bad news and go on. With him, I felt like maybe, just maybe, there was a reason to live on, besides the broken up one I already have.

“No, Sloane,” he said softly, reading my thoughts on my face. I don’t reply, only look away, because that’s where the crystal lights dull and reality sinks in again. Such a black world. A world without him. “I love the night,” I whisper, trying to fill the deep longing in me to soar through it. Then I say without realizing it, “But I love you more.”

There is a shuffling sound as he gets off the lamp in one swift motion and snuffs out the cigarette. As I turn my head to look back at him, he’s already covering the distance between us in two long, quick strides and his arms come around me. “Sloane,” he whispers my ugly name into my hair like it’s the most beautiful sound one earth, “Sloane.”

But even as my body yearns to put my arms around him too, I back away. I’ve been hurt too many times by this person. Not anymore. “If you need help, I’ll be there,” I whisper. But what I really mean is, “I’m leaving you.” A slight drizzle starts up, falling from the stars. Rivulets of raindrops run down his face, mixed with tears. “Jesse,” I cry. Time freezes, and that’s all I can say. “Jesse.”

He takes off, pelting down the opposite direction, pushing past people. “Jesse!” I shout, but I don’t follow him. We can make the same mistake twice, but by the third time the pain grows too much. I just stand there and call, until the warmth he’d left in me faded and I can’t remember what I’d lived for at all.

2008-12-06T05:56:00.000-08:00

I'm inside now. I've already checked in. I'm supposed to be making my way to the plane now but there's a display computer and I'm using this instead to blog. Lol. I think it's not allowed. Oh well. Their programming was fairly easy to change. It's ten now, the plane is leaving soon. Bye guys! Cya when I'm back. I miss singapore already. Hugs and Kisses. Meow. Cya guys.

2008-12-05T19:09:00.000-08:00

My flight leaves at 10pm. Send your blessings! Tata till 15th.

2008-11-28T03:21:00.001-08:00

I LOVE YOU.

2008-11-25T21:23:00.000-08:00

Hey, you, there.
I cried for you.
I laughed for you.
You gave up bigger things than me.
You were always there when I needed you.
You were there for everybody.
You were nice, funny, silly, smart.
Smart, lol.
I copied your homework,
gave you doughnuts,
called u a bitch,
ate lunch and went for interact together,
disliked ms chan together,
played cheat and shared my hand (lol, we still won in the end!),
and on the very last conversation we shared,
i said "k fine, have fun."

Have fun, huh?

I remember when Taqinah called. I thought it was a joke. You couldn't be gone, it was all a huge, big, stupid joke. Then the next day we all went to your house for the first time. I didn't eat a thing that day, only a chocolate doughnut at munchy's, like those i gave you the other time.

so much happened, and yet it was so little.

I still have that picture of you with paul!

Haha.

I never want life to end.

I have so many things I want to say, but they shouldn't be from me. They should be from your parents, your siblings, Shalin, all those who loved and cared for you. I'm, in the end, just a friend. But, oh, what a friend you were.

I think I meant what I said, the last thing I ever said to you before you left. "Have fun, kay?"

Be happy, Radia.

2008-11-24T05:50:00.000-08:00

"I'm sorry for lying," I said quietly, snuffing out my cigarette. Drops of rain ran down my skin, dotting the pavement a darker grey, casting a gloom across the sky. I glanced up from the floor where we were sitting and looked at your face.

Your eyes were rested on the road, watching cars go by. A half-empty bottle of beer hung from your slender fingers, your arms on your pulled-up knees. "It's kay," you replied, putting the bottle down. I looked back at the road and shut my eyes. Then I opened them again.

"I have to go."

You turned to look at me, but I bent my head so that my hair hid my face. Your face was bound to make me stay. Your expression, your voice, your soft skin. The red hair, so beautiful against the ice white sheets of my bed. The large eyes, the long eye lashes against my skin, the soft curves of your body...

"I..." your voice trailed off. I could hear the shock, the desperation, the rejectedness,

the love.

"Don't," I whispered. I gathered my stuff and slung my bag over my shoulders, standing up. The drizzle turned into rain, drenching my clothes and forming puddles along the streets. "Hyde," you said.

It's a good thing it's raining. I won't be able to see your tears.

And you won't be able to see mine.

"Bye," I said, and then I turned and ran.

Goodbye.

2008-11-23T21:24:00.000-08:00

Happy bd, Amanda-san!

Lol, moving on.
I'm still sick :/
But I only have a very slight fever, about 37.7.
So I should be recovered in time for Wednesday!
Anyone wanna go out on Tue, anyway?
I have tuition from 10am til 12am in Tampines.
...Maybe I should drop by Nisa's house if she's free.
Hey, 2e7 '07, don't forget Radia okay?
Remember 26/27 Nov. Remember.
I have a math camp from Raymond's that day, T.T.
Cooped in for 6 hours with Nat and Bernie.
THE IT FAIR IS COMING~
I missed the CD sale ytd, T.T
But they didn't have NeverShoutNever and L'arc~en~ciel's albums anyway.
Though I did wanna get Oasis, >.>
Ah, I'm going to be in Australia during the next anime fest.
T.T
And I'll be missing the Twilight premiere too.
Anyway, happy bd Amanda! I thought I missed your bd, lol.
lse signing off~

2008-11-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

So, I am sick :/
But I had loads of fun!
Now I have Towards The Terra:D
The zoo sucked.
I walked for 10 hours.
I slept at 3 everyday.
But the day I sleep early, my body decides to break down.
:/
I now have 2 panadols in my system, and it hasn't even been 4 hours since I woke up.
HydexMisaki= epic win.
Lol.
Can't wait till the IT fair next week.
I might be getting a little something something.
:D.
CAN'T WAIT TILL AUSTRALIA~
LOLZLOLZOLZ. Billabong! Levi's!
I think I am getting over this. I can't remember your face anymore.>.>
short term memory?
are you even there?
NOEZZZ i shlda gone on9 sooner!! i totally missed the anime thingy at suntect
thanks for telling me anyway, sl.
anyway, i'm going to work/sleep.
ciao.

2008-11-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

I am bored. I can't believe it. Omfg.

I AM BORED.

I'M STUCK IN A HOUSE WITH ROWS OF ANIME AND I'M BORED.

wtf. i wanna go to orchad. i wanna go back to sg. T.T.

2008-11-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

Gee, i don't know.

2008-11-13T21:11:00.001-08:00

There's so many things I wanna say, so many things I wanna say to you. Anything, anything, to make you listen to me. I see your face and I know you're thinking it too. But we can never say these words to each other, because of our pride.

I wish I didn't know you as I know you. I wish you were really what you pretended to be to me. How was I supposed to know I didn't really know when you were the one pretending all the while? What am I supposed to do with all these feelings now? You played me the way I knew, and you backed off when you saw how trashed you were making me.

Don't run away. Fix this mess.

I miss you so very much.

2008-11-09T19:37:00.000-08:00

If you're sorry, I am too, because when people shout at me in mrts I don't actually take it laying down, you know? I'm proud that way. If you'd said all that rationally, I might have admitted to you that I was wrong and we can all go and get extensions. But that bitch slap was uncalled for. I wasn't screaming at you, but...yeah. I didn't bitch about that to anyone, though, and I hope you didn't two. That's the second time you've let me down. Not that I was making it any better.

WHORE!

2008-11-05T23:20:00.001-08:00

Hey, you, did u miss me?
Did all those unspoken jokes resurface
when you saw my face,
when I said those words?
I'll tell you how many times I'd been thrown away
and you can wake to another day thinking how
this all would have been the same
if you just didn't have me here. (if and only if)

I'll justify your whiter lies and ask you about those to me.
I'll lay here and be dead if that's
what it took to make your hatred leave.
I asked and only asked for this,
not all,
not you,
not all of it.
So why are you running again?
Or am I the one causing this?

I am surprised. Christofer Ingle is also the lead singer for a screamo band called eatmewhileimhot (that is the most un-screamo name I've ever heard). I randomly chose a song called "Ihitasquirellitchangedmylife" and all the screaming started.

Basically, I need to know one thing, ok?

What am I going to do?

Oh, god, what am I going to do?

2008-11-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

yEAH.

2008-10-23T07:57:00.000-07:00

IT'S SO STRANGE, I CAN'T FIND THE WORD "HAPPINESS" IN GREEK. IN FACT, I CAN'T FIND THE GREEK DICTIONARY AT ALL.

It's my birthday.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO TOOK ME OUT TODAY! THANKS TO THOSE WHO ARE PLANNING TO TAKE ME OUT IN THE FUTURE/GIVING ME PRESENTS! ILU! THANKS FOR THE EDIBLES AND NON-EDIBLES! THANKS FOR WISHING ME HAPPY BD!

THANKS FOR TREATING ME! THANKS FOR BRINGING ME HOME AT NINE THIRTY IN THE NIGHT! THANKS FOR MAKING ME LAUGH THE WHOLE DAY! THANKS FOR WASTING 30 BUCKS ON ME(only some, lol)!

THANKS FOR REMEMBERING, THANKS FOR LETTING THIS BE MY DAY, THANKS FOR LOVING ME. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (ME ME ME!)

and not a single person sang the birthday song to me correctly. are you guys allergic to giving normal birthday songs? LOL. MY NAME IS NOT AH HONG, OR YEE, OR WHATEVER LOLOLOLOOLOOL I'M HIGH TEEHEE.

ARIGATOU!

2008-10-15T01:12:00.000-07:00

Magic and flowers~

I found this really cute guy on a guy's profile. Nevershoutnever! is the alias of the most oh so adorable guy, Christofer Ingle. I swear, go check him out! I'm going to buy his EP, which only has 4 songs but fuck it. He's 17 and his single reached 3rd place on Hot 100 Single Sales. Talented much?

BigCityDreams, his single. (It's a link, click on it) It's a video of his pictures, made by someone else. He has a friendster account too. I forgot where I found it, though.

Now, the only problem is that I've run out cash. Again. I still owe Huiiwen, zhiqing and giegie ice cream. So, help? As a birthday prezzie? This guy is weird. His songs are mostly acoustic but two of his songs have, like, techno beats in them. He is beyond cute. Gah, okay, I shall stop raving. Go check him out, I swear. lse signing off~

btw, just cash is fine. Don't buy the album for me, cux i don't want everyone buying the same thing. I love him, but I don't want ten copies of the same album, thank you very much. Anyway, at least wish me happy bd if you're not getting anything~

23RD OCTOBER.

2008-10-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

okay, what the hell.

I'm, like, basically spending my life looking for things that I can't have. Dude, I have to live with what I can get, okay? I mean, there I am getting jealous about something else, when I'd actually spent a more enjoyable time doing something else. I guess I'm just used to being asked to do stuff with people, you know? So I can pick, choose, reject. I mean, everyone does that. But what happens when some people just don't want your company? I don't even have the right to be mad, seeing as they're not exactly my first choice to hang out with either.

So, moving on. Friday was just plain hectic. I ran around a lot, rushed a lot, and fell down. It doesn't really hurt much, but there's this patch of scraped, raw skin on my elbow now. Saturday was fun :) thanks guys! But, dude, I think it ended waaay too early. I would've been happier going home at like ten-ish. Six? Not my kinda thing. But we did meet up at 11 in the morning, so it was ok. And, drum roll please....

I GOT MY NEW FEDORA~!

It's awesome, I swear! It's white, with a black and white checkered band. And it was only 20 bucks! What a steal, man! I'm going to bring it ice skating tomorrow! I swear! Looking at it just makes me wanna sprout proper english all over the place.

I have no plans for tuesday. Aww. I was planning to go rollerblading with Likhita, but I'm ice skating the day before, see. I don't wanna end up tearing muscles or any of those shit. I AM HAVING FUN!

But there's still that little bit in me, hiding deep within. And I don't want it. I don't want it.

2008-10-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

My body feels hot.

Oooh, white fedora and checkered bands.

My head hurts.

To hairless legs, straight teeth and fedora fuckers.

My chest hurts.

We need to get out of this, tonight.

My throat is burning.

Get a bit of booze in my blood.

My stomach is clenching.

And a puff of white fruit smoke in my lungs.

My eyes are blurring up.

We need a lot more cash, a bit of fashion sense, and let's go.

2008-10-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

We lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry

I can't be

Perfect

2008-10-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was so weird. I was planning to go to Huiiwen's house to return her yaoi book, but ended up going to Simei and Clarke Quay and returning at ten. Maybe it was because I was dressed up too nice to just go home! Wa lao, when I reached her void deck, she was sleeping. I kept calling and smsing her, saying I didn't know where her house was, and she didn't reply. I thought she was ignoring me.

So I called her house number, after getting it from someone (I smsed a bunch of people for it), and turns out she was sleeping. Pfft. Then again, I was sleeping on the bus too. Was feeling so comfy when some asshole ah mah clawed my hair, literally. I was leaning against the bar on the bus seat, dozing peacefully, when she grabbed the bar and accidentally ran her fingers through my hair. Yuck.

My music was on really loud so that it can drown out everything else. I woke up to 'Pop Princess' by Click Five. Lol. I turned around, gave that auntie a death glare, and continued sleeping. But it wasn't that shuang anymore. It was very restless; I woke abruptly somewhere near the interchange. The song was "How far we've come" by Matchbox twenty. I quickly smoothed my hair and got off.

That brings me back to her house. I went up after her mum told me where her house was and we talked a bit and watched youtube for a while. I read Bluau Rosen book 3 while she went to bath, I think, or do sth. I was wearing my darkish-blue Levis jeans, the really skinny ones, a black Tshirt, knee-length black socks underneath and my new 54 buck Promod jacket! Whoo! Plus I was wearing my new wrist bands and ring bands. And my mid-calve laced up black boots.

So, of course, dressed like that, we just had to go out. We went to Simei, rented a new Yaoi book, bought a chocolate waffle and some mango ice cream thingy, then went to Clarke Quay. Sat at the river for quite awhile, then went to the other side and IT WAS AWESOME. After finals, I'm so gonna get my friends to dress me up as an 18-year-old and bring me there so we can drink. The bars looked so freaking awesome.

Walked to Novotel, where Huiwen ate Macs for dinner, and shopped a bit. Went back to Central shopping mall, got to the food court and bought a plate of chicken rice for me. Huiwen had to dissect it for me cux I had zero appetite and my stomach hurt but I had to eat otherwise I'll get gastric in the morning. After that we went to the bus stop and split up, cux I was taking 197 home and she was taking the mrt.

That concludes yesterday! I did everything I wasn't supposed to do! 1. Shop. 2. Go out. 3. Go home late. 4. Not study. Well, it wasn't that late, but my mom seemed to think so. Cux it's exam period now. Ahh, I feel weird-ish.

WANNA GO DRINKING WITH ME?

lse signing off~

2008-09-19T01:05:00.000-07:00

Shadows danced upon the moonlit walls, flickering across the marble walls. I walked forward, my gold slippers thin against the floor, my feet drawing me toward the veil of darkness on the other end of the corridor.

Footsteps echoed along the hall, matching my rhythm perfectly, but I could tell they weren't mine. Tap tap tap. My heartbeat grew louder in my eyes, my breathing drawn and hushed. But I'm not frightened.

Silver light drenched me through the glass panes, casting an unholy glow upon my milk-white skin. Then there it was, the sign I'd been waiting for. Glint. The shine of the blade of a knife. I paused and smiled. The hem of my nightgown swished around my feet.

A chuckle sounded behind me, amused and delighted. "So, you knew?" the voice asked. I smiled and ran my fingers along the window sill. "Yes, I did."

Cold hands rested upon my shoulders. A sigh escaped my lips, and the grip tightened. "You are not afraid to die?" it asked mockingly. It tapped my chin lightly with the blade, then placed it along my collarbone. "I don't want to live," I whispered.

There was another chuckle, and the blade moved to my neck. Suddenly, the moonlight seemed too bright, too bright, and it burned my eyes like fire. Fear raced through my veins, but even then I did not fight. Why should I? I could not win anyway.

"I don't want to live, "I choke out again. And then I close my eyes.

2008-09-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

Today was so gahhh. I feel myself again, yet not quite. This morning was weird. I felt weird. I couldn't think straight, couldn't think why I felt so horrible. I wasn't thinking at all, actually. Just put my head down and go through everything. Nearly walked out of school, but stopped myself. Was sane enough. It wasn't the getting into trouble part, it was the fact that both gates were most probably locked and my mum would be very disappointed. At least I thought about her.

After school, I couldn't bring myself to go for physics. Don't wanna see anyone, all the people who don't care about me, don't think the way I do, those who wanna show me up or take me down or basically have more going on for their life than I do. Then I saw Huiiwen as I walked out indecisively. Asked her where she was going. Told her to bring me where ever, because I needed to get away. To just leave. I wanted Nat at first, but she has drama from 2.30-6, library possibly, and guitar at 5. Her schedule was messed up enough without me in it. Not that I didn't want wenn, but I guess she wasn't the sort you took on random trips.

I tagged along her and her mom and watched her take her IC photo. Ate 3 of her mini-hot dog buns and drank water. Went to her house and waited for her to bath. Emailed my essay to Mr John, took some sweets from her huge candy pile (birthday present, i think), got my comics back from her (finally) and then we left to meet up with her bf. I felt so extra, this pathetic friend tagging along their, uh hum, date, but I really didn't want to go home. We met him at eunos. He seems pretty nice. 193 cm tall! Huiiwen didn't even reach his shoulder, lol.

We took a cab to some mall, can't remember the name, at balesteir (dunno how to spell) and they ordered the buffet for all 3 of us. I only ate, what, 3 plates of kappa makki and 2 mochis, drank green tea and called it a day. It would have cost only, like, under 10 bucks, and the bloody buffet was 20 bucks. So wenn and her bf ate loads of sashimi and other stuff to make up for it.

Then wenn bought me a ticket for Money No Enough 2 and we all went to watched. Shall not describe what happened during the movie, except that I was the coldest because, uh, I wasn't sharing my body heat with anybody. The movie ended at 8pm. We left and took bus 21. I got off at some random mrt station by myself (wenn lives at tampines. dunno about johnathon) and realized I could take 31 and 13 back home from there. So I took 31 and arrived home half an hour ago. It's 9.20pm now.

Not that late, but not early either. Especially since my parents didn't know. Thanks, wenn, for letting me crash your...outing? Date? And thanks for paying for me. Or thanks to Mr. Boyfriend, Johnathan. So, I feel great again because usually when I feel weird I go to Nat's table, crouch below and start writing something awesome or I go with the rest (wen. bern. sha. gie. radia. sam.) and cheer up. Wish I was in 2e7 again. miss u guys. lse signing off~

p.s. Nothing's wrong, seriously! I'm just tired, confused and realised that some people's life were more screwed up than I thought and they're dragging me into their messes. I don't need this. I don't need anymore.

p.s.2. I LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS.

2008-09-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

Can I start over?

2008-08-14T01:01:00.001-07:00

"We can pretend forever."

2008-08-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

I smiled and ran my fingers through your hair, smoothing back stray pieces. "I don't need a hard-on now, Kae," you whispered, staring into my eyes. My breath was upon your skin, and I stared back, peering up at you from under my eyelids. My body was bent towards you, almost touching but not yet.

"Not now," you repeated, the grin on your face fading away. Your eyes looked past the top of my head and your fists clenched tightly, the skin stretched taut over your knuckles so that the tattoo 'STAY GOLD' stood out prominently. I pouted and I took your hands into mine and pressed them against my heart, over my breast.

"I need you to keep this beating," I said slowly, clearly, as your breathing suddenly turned shallow and a strange gleam entered your eyes, "Win tonight". I leaned forward and whispered into your ear, "And I'll give you a little something."

You groaned, or moaned, and buried your face in my hair, your arms around me. I gently unwound them and twisted out of your embrace so that we were facing each other again.

"Are you scared?" I asked, half teasing and half serious. You reached out and touched my cheek with your hand, "No, not when I'm with you. I know I'll never die when I'm with you."

I smiled and turned to hand you my final gift; the gun I'd stolen from Kan this morning. "Wow," you said, a grin spreading your lips again, "One of the best." I smiled back, pleased because my knowledge of guns was zilch, and let it fall into your palm, "Well, I got it from the best."

You pocketed it and leaned in to kiss me lightly. "I'll be back," you whispered before pulling back. I watched as you took a few steps backwards and turned away to run. "No, you won't," I answered into the night air. You won't come back to me, you'd never be back.

I slipped my hand into my jacket and took out a second gun. Then I removed my bike gloves to reveal the words "LUV, 4EVA" recently tattooed on my knuckles. It was still bleeding slightly and sore. My last present to you. I moved the gun into my mouth and pulled the trigger.

2008-08-03T04:55:00.001-07:00

Change the colors of the seasons
Turn the blue night sky to black
Let them go on for a reason
When the sky is cold and wet

We can walk upon the beaches
We can swim beyond these shores
We can celebrate with creatures
And the spirits of the lost

Return the words I've pondered
On grey winter nights like this
And the stray thoughts that have wandered
When I received my first kiss

Dance within the rhythm
We cannot make mistakes
When we rule the hidden kingdom
Of the ghosts and the dead

Fall upon my footsteps, we can run for all eternity (or we can fight for what is ours).

It's not reading between the lines which matter. It's reading within the lines.
(can you see what I say?)

We've never really hidden anything, but we let people choose what to see.

And we'll sing the song of glory
And we'll sing the song of death
And we'll recite this last story
With our last few broken breaths

WE CAN HIDE FOREVER OR WE CAN STEP UP AND BE WHOEVER WE WANT TO BE BECAUSE WHEN WE FALL, WE CRUMBLE, AND OUR WINGS WILL FADE AWAY.

STEP UP AND BE THAT WISH, THAT DREAM, THE PERSON WHO HAUNTS YOUR DREAMS AT NIGHT AND IS YOUR DEFINITION OF PERFECTION.

For the losers of the winners, for the fallen of the kings, I shall tell you one last secret before you can steal my wings.

RUN. HIDE. FIGHT. SEEK.
DO ALL YOU WANT.
I'LL NEVER QUIT.

kiss my arse, sista

(with the ashes of past whispers and the hauntings of the dead)

2008-07-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

it sucks shit. i think i twisted/sprained my ankle.

how did it happen?

ok, i was at the side gate steps with my interact friends, amanda, hidayah and dhaneesha. the rest had gone home already. i was joking around about leaving dhaneesha behind, and saying sth abt stoned guys and boobs (dont ask).

and then i said, "bye, mesiha." amanda stared at me. i was like, "what?" then i realised i'd called dhaneesha "mesiha"

LOLOLOL PAI SEH SIAH. i quickly turned to jump down the stairs, like i sometimes do, but in my haste i landed on my right leg...and it was the wrong angle. it twisted to the left.

fuck the shit. i just sat there and straightened my leg because it was the most sensible thing to do. i just bit my lip and stood the pain. fuck fuck fuck the pain. the rest were joking ard, half concerned, half trying to make it better.

"are u ok?" "i don't think the sickbay's open..." "do u need saggy boobs?" "do you want a strawberry mint?"

and hidayah seriously opened a tin of mints. lol. what the fuck. i laughed, despite the pain, and it helped alot. finally, it subsided enough for me to stand (with help). i went out and they were helping me out. then they suggested i take a cab, but i had no money.

then juliana, adeline and a juniour came out. amanda was like "do you have money?" and they asked why. we explained it to them, and adeline suggested i take my sock and shoe off. i did that, and saw that my ankle was indeed swollen.

then the jokes started again. "do you need help?" "do you need MENTAL help?" "do you need clothes? food? my home?" "sex?" "a strawberry mint?"

geez. lol. (what's up with the mint?!?) then i hobbled to the curb, hailed a taxi and the end. too tired to blog finish. lse signing off~

2008-07-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

something's wrong.

this morning, i woke to a strange pain at my legs. i tried to decipher the pain, but to my surprise, i found i couldn't think straight. there were colours of black flashing in my mind and my subconsciousness was desperately trying to find out what day it was.

tuesday, i decided. tuesday.

wait...

my mind finally cleared, and the remaining dregs of my dreams faded too. i looked down to find my legs contorted in an extremely painful position. i untangled my legs with my hands and checked my phone. it was 8.04 a.m. it was sunday.

I glanced over at my table and found two mysterious packs of kinder bueno. i opened a pack, took one out, broke off a cube and popped it into my mouth. then i switched on my mp3 and listened to Camisado (by Panic! at the disco) and Alones (bleach's 4th OP song) whilst fantiscing.

Yeah, I tend to fantiscise before and after sleep. This time, I created a character called Sano and Miria. Then I merged them with the main storyline I always played in my head before I went to sleep (it's a weird mixture of Nana and Air Gear and Clannad. Don't ask.)

When that scene ended in my mind, I pulled off my headphones and got up. Or tried to. To my utter astonishment, my left leg was completely paralyzed. I couldn't feel it at all. It was totally useless. It flopped stupidly and crumbled when I put my weight on it.

I reached out my arms to grab something and immediately tried to put my weight on my right leg subconsciously. As my mind tried to catch up with what had happened, I crashed into my wall and fell when I tried my left leg again.

I couldn't feel my leg, but I could feel the pain in my body alright. I remained on the floor and pulled my left leg back into position. It was icy cold. I must have cut off it's blood supply like shit. I waited, and blood began to circulate through it again, and the pain fucking excruciating.

When it was finally done, i got up to bath. The end.

lse signing off~

2008-07-12T18:57:00.000-07:00

FUCK YOU ALL.

2008-07-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

as you all might have noticed lately, i've been rather stranger lately. like, brash, ruder, and the things i say just...i don't know. they sound so completely idiotic and straightforwardly stupid even to me. i've been getting angry very easily, and most of the time i just switch off because i cant handle the conversation anymore. when you see me avoiding eye contact and smiling forcefully, just fucking shut up already. thanks. im still investigating why. lse singing off~

2008-06-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

IM GOING TO MALAYSIA IF U ADMIT IM AMAZING I MIGHT BUY U A PRESENT SUCKERS.

2008-06-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

i am fucking tired. i did 11 hours of solid work and managed to get home through sheer luck and common sense. thank you mystery American-accented doctor. shall blog about it when i have enough strength to actually clench my fist.

2008-06-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

i just want the world for you

2008-06-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

it's 10.20am in the morning and i'm eating a cheesy hotdog for breakfast.

it would be great if prince caspian and king peter was gay. narnia rocks.

its been a long time sine i made a decent post but nevermind.

2008-05-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

yargh yargh yargh.

i am worn, physically and mentally.

i'm on GD now, and damn i miss it. there's a post i wanna show u guys, so u would just shut up about "LSE, u slept at 10.30 and u're tired??? i slept at (range from 12 to 6) and im not tired at all!"

from: "Annrules"

I never got why people would brag about how little sleep they got.

No, it doesn't make you cool. It shows me you don't know how to take proper care of your body.

so if u could show me a little true concern like "ice skating issit? or what?" and stop comparing me to you that would be great. :D

2008-05-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

im watching a show called air, where everyone is obsessed with the sky.

the traveler: i am looking for a girl who flies in the sky, and i will continue traveling till i find her.

misuzu: i feel like there's another me up in the skies. another half of me.

kano: i can do magic. the 1st thing i'd do with it? it's a secret! but i'll tell u the second thing. i'd fly in the sky.

tohno: all this while, i've been pretending to flap my wings. what's the point of having wings that can never fly?

michiru: in the sky, there's a sad looking girl. i see her in my dreams every night.

well, this show is aptly named, for sure. i dont think u guys would like it, though. every singly surreal anime i tried to get u to watch has been brutally bashed or cast aside within 10 minutes into the 1st episode. i guess u prefer a firmer hold on your reality.

2008-05-25T22:12:00.001-07:00

i was playing stepmania happily in my room when younger bro suddenly barged in.

me: what

him: wheres the dvd player's wire?

me: what player?

him: the one in your room.

me: huh. how would i know.

him: cux it's in your room lah stupid.

after that.

mum: where's the wire?

me: how would i know??

mum: u're always so messy, all the time. the wire's in your room, if it goes missing, who's fault is it?

i ignored her till she left.

after that, my father.

dad: mei, where did u leave the wire?

at this point i was fucking pissed and confused.

me: I DONT KNOW LAH. U GUYS ARE ALWAYS LEAVING YOUR STEREO SETS, YOUR OLD RADIOS AND WHATEVER SHIT IN MY ROOM. NOW SOMETHING GOES MISSING AND U BLAME ME. HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE THE WIRE WENT?? I DONT EVEN TOUCH THOSE STUPID ELECTRONIC STUFF. IN THIS WHOLE FAMILY, IM SO DUMB I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO SET UP A DECENT STEREO SYSTEM. I'M PROBABLY THE LAST PERSON TO EVEN UNPLUG THE BLOODY WIRE, LET ALONE LOSE IT. WHAT WOULD I DO WITH A STUPID WIRE ANYWAY.

it's true, you know. i dont know why they even bother blaming me for leaving the dvd player on or for plugging out some strange wire from the com or changing the batteries in the remote. i dont touch those stuff for fear of electrocution.

mum: well, can u at least move your books away so that they can search for it.

me: ...my books are on my table not because im messy, but because i have no SPACE, and no where else to put them. move them where? on my bed? ALL my schoolbooks? besides, u could just look at my books and know that theres no mysterious wire trapped between my worksheets or sth.

mum: that's not an excuse for your laziness.

i just felt like throwing all my school books out of the window and shouting "FINE, I CLEANED MY ROOM. NO MORE BOOKS. HAPPY?"

seriously.

2008-05-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NISA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOH GOH

2008-05-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

2008-05-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

My eternal dreams have hid somewhere
beneath the hushed footsteps tonight
sheltered by peace lighter than air
but not so hidden under white lights

before my tainted eyes, i see
a bloom of red upon your eyes
beyond my misted veil, i see
a red darker than your warm lies

grey ashes dance upon the air
And rests upon the stars and moon
they sweep them off without a care
leaving the demons to their own doom

i'll tell you a secret this eve
when even my paper buds bloom
caught in the enchantment i weave
lost in a night without my moon

what kind of dream hides in my bed
and prowls upon the sleeping child
to frighten them, to make them...wait
oh, how could i have been this dull

upon your old footsteps, i thread
under the arch of painted skies
upon your ripped armchair, i sat
listening to ravens' silent cries

yes, i carry the shadowed scythe
upon the shoulders that bear death
yes, even sharper than those knives
and so much slimmer than your breath

under the fog, you whisper nought
you sing instead, so loud, so clear
aren't nightmares what you'd always sought?
sewn onto your sweetest fears

yes, i am death, and i am here
and i shall never let you fear

2008-05-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

RAVER'S FANTASY IS AWESOME.

IT'S THE AWESOME-EST TECHNO SONG EVER.

CHAOMIX FTW. i have no idea whatsoever why I'm still playing stepmania, but I'm loving it. like macdonalds.

2008-05-12T02:52:00.001-07:00

i love rings. i really do. metal ones, plastic ones, glass ones, even those made of paper or grass. rainbow or gem-studded or curvy. sometimes rings are really good at completing an outfit, or to make you feel good.

but nice rings are so hard to find. and mostly expensive. plus it's hard to find those in your size. their like clothes. i love shawls too. and vests. and scarfs. ooh, scarfs. stripy ones, tie-dyed ones, silk ones, crocheted ones. with badges or stains or skulls or holes.

i'm watching bokura ga ita now. i passed everything, so far, except ss. i have fallen in love with mcr's first album.

2008-05-06T03:49:00.000-07:00

'This isn't a game!' I shouted, eyes glaring at Alice. She smiled calmly as she arranged her blades in the firelight. Sharpest to dullest. 'Life IS a game, darling,' she smiled, as the lady she is, the princess. 'These are people, people with feelings,' I whispered. Tears wet my cheeks, but made me strong as well, 'I'm not going to let you do this. Not to me. Not to them.' For the first time simce I entered, Alice turned to look at me. Her icy black eyes seemed to mock me, stabbing me deep within. Her lips slowly curled into a smile as she said, 'It's ok, Fer.' And then a pair of knives entered me, but I couldn't feel any pain as I stared into her eyes and got lost deep inside.

2008-05-06T03:18:00.000-07:00

this is my 100th post.

ladeedadeeda. read this if you care, im a complete pmsing bitch.
its just that...

nevermind. i just paused from blogging to watch junjou romantica and im completely cheered up. i just want you guys to know that i care and i'll be here...and i hope you'll be the same for me.

HOPE.

ELPIDA.

ELPIZO.

lse signing off~

2008-04-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

I PROMISE YOU

THE FUTURE AND THE HOPE AND THE FREEDOM BEYOND AND WITHIN BECAUSE YOU AND I BOTH KNOW AND FEEL THAT EVERYTHING IN AND ON ITSELF WILL OPEN UP IF WE JUST BELIEVED AND FOUGHT.

it's better if people didn't think. no second-guessing, no using your brains. maybe i should have let peace.

The wind is blowing ice and snow
Over the deadness of this night
Your blade is gleaming, white and cold
As your black sparrows all take flight
My footsteps sound upon the ground
I see your tremours, though you speak nought
I call to you without a sound
As one would pray towards their God
Feathers are falling at our feet
Sand and dust crusted with a frost
I walk with orders I must heed
No matter at what ever cost

I can't finish it. I don't like it. Whatever.

PLEASE,

FINISH YOUR FLIGHT AND SOAR ABOVE I'LL STAY BELOW UPON THIS EARTH BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I'LL SEE THE ANGEL THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN.

Thanks, guys. You guys have given me as much as I have given you. For that, I thank you.

I am worthless.

lse signing off~

the nightclub

2008-04-24T06:22:00.000-07:00

The air was cold and damp, enveloping me as I stepped out of my house and closed the door behind me. I used my new four inch black patent boots to kick aside the month-old flyers littered around my doorway. Tsk, I'll have to get the cleaning lady up here soon.

My newly done hair felt smooth and soft; I'd just cut them short and added golden highlights to them so that my shimmery brown hair was shinier. I pictured the way I'd meet Jackie downstairs and how he'd bring me to K'Deemayer's new nightclub. A smile spread across my perfectly made up lips, covered with a hint of glossy cherry flavoured lipgloss.

I slowly made my way down the stairs, in too good a mood to get pissed over the three storey climb. After my last boyfriend dumped me, I'd been living in some fucked-up place paid by some losers who pined after me. I ain't no live-in mistress, but I don't mind being "kept" as long as I survive.

But I have Jackie now.

We met two months ago, when I was working part-time as a bartender. He was in a party mood, and I loved to dance. He'd sailed right up to me, almost dead drunk, and shouted "YOU WANNA DANCE?" in my face. I'd been making the weirdest cocktails for him for the past hour, and just watching him get high made me high too.

So even though it wasn't my style to lose control, I let him drag me out from behind the bar and dance with me all night long. Of course, I got fired the next day when I was found drunk at the back door the next day but it didn't matter. I met Jackie.

I sailed off the last step and onto the landing gracefully, scanning the area for Jackie. Well, he wasn't hard to miss in a neighbourhood like this. Posh car, pearly white smile, classy clothes. Heck, I didn't fit in either. I was wearing this classic red dress with a layer of silk beneath it, but its hem was so short that I couldn't wear a G-string.

Details, details.

"Hey Jackie," I smiled, walking over to him. He threw his arms around me, his clothes smelling like colonge. We kissed, and then he opened my door for me like the gentleman he is. I slid into the seat, breathing in the scent of expensive leather and air fresherner. The Way I are by Timbaland was playing on the stereo.

"You set?" Jackie asked, sliding in next to me. I buckled up and stared at him with my smoky eyes.

"Sure."

"Okay, then. Let's go

And then he pushed the pedal, hands on the steering wheel, and we were off.

2008-04-24T00:44:00.000-07:00

PHYSICS TEST PAPER

I borrow a mechanical pencil from..OH SHIT, I FORGOT TO RETURN IT...WAIT...i did...

*cough*

Anyway, I borrow a mechanical pencil before the paper because I left my old one buried somewhere. The Teacher starts handing us our OMRs and papers. "What the fuck are OMRs?" I wonder, and then I spot the blue boxes on the paper. Fucking MCQ galore.

I pass down the papers and scribble my name down. Then the teacher announces "Please don't write anything, not even your name, until you've counted the pages" (wait, i think that was e math....nevermind). I hastily count. There are 22 ~~shits~~ sheets. There are supposed to be only 21.

"Um," I said, staring at the teacher. The teacher does not seem to notice me. I raise my hand up feebly, and then decides to recount before saying anything. I was halfway through when the teacher announced "You can start now". I stare blankly at the paper (reaction time. I learnt that in physics) and then I flip both section A and B open.

And I begin to do both sections at the same time. The paper started at 11.30. I finished it at 12.30. It ends at 1.30. So I double check every single question in section A while shading my OMR and I just sort of riffle through section B. After I was done, I just sort of doodled on the cover of section B and I fell asleep. Tee hee.

At 1pm, the classroom bell rings and wakes me up. I wake up abruptly and my arms are aching cux I put my head of them and cut the blood circulation. I pull the hair stuck to my face off and vaguely wonders what paper I'm taking now. Amath. Yes, A math. I flip open Section A and start to go through the questions. Then I realise "Ho fuck shit when did A math start tesing on velocity??"

This is about the time when I realize it was the Physics paper. At about 1.15, the teacher (turns out she was my chinese teacher. dont.ask.why.i didnt recognise her.) picks up my section B and starts flipping the pages. Everyone, okay, maybe not everyone, stares at me while I fiddle with my ruler and pretend I don't exist. La dee da dee da...

She must've spotted the two whole pages I left blank. Shit, she's gonna ask me to do them!!....She puts my paper down, her finger pointed at something, and walks away. What the hell? I stare at the question for about 5 minutes, and then redoes the whole thing. Same answer! Nothing's wrong!

And then I remember: She's my chinese teacher. This is a PHYSICS paper.

I grit my teeth and swear to myself never to forget these little details ever again. I start writing MCR lyrics (i didnt know I had to hand section B up. shit) on the cover of section B and drawing...things. LSE hands up her paper and....ITS PARTY TIME.

SIGNING FUCKING OFF

2008-04-23T00:13:00.000-07:00

im PMSing lately. yes, i know, i fucking know. it's like everything's falling apart. my family. my friends. my studies. my body. my skin. my room. everything.

here's an example of my PMSing:

I walk home and calculate just how much time I'll need to study physics. Hmm. Probably an hour each chapter. I walk into my room to find my physics notes scattered acroos the floor, my bed and my table.

The notes I spent a fuck-ass time arranging needly according to chapter, and then by mini-chapter, and then by how much I need to memorize. Then from notes to quizes to sub-quizes to worksheets with the answers arranged needly behind every worksheet. And now this.

I vaguely remember leaving it on the floor...with about five to sex textbooks above it. Someone had, somehow, "considerately" piled everything onto my desk and forgot to put something above me precious notes. Talk about forgetful. So what am I supposed to do?

Me: "MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mum: "What?"

Me: "Someone went and cleaned my stuff and anyhow put my worksheets. now see what happen!"

Mum: "Why are you so spoilt? Other people help you clean up your room you still complain."

I can see her point but I was too pissed off.

Me: "Next time don't help lah!"

Mum: "Fine. I tell lily (our maid) not to help you anymore."

What. E. Ver.

I was actually going to point out that I never asked for lily's help, and that she did it on her own free fucking will. Second, her "cleaning up" always consists of throwing away or chucking my things somewhere because my room has no fucking space. Yes, the reason why my room is so messy is cux i have no space whatoever to keep my stuff. So I just leave it on my desk.

Why do I have no space? Because my maid and grandma sleep with me. Why am I PMSing? Because my mid-terms are here and I can't study with either privacy or silence. There always my younger bother annoying everyone, or my grandma, or my who-ever-else-that-is-annoying.

Plus everyone has been taking out their stress on me. LEAVE ME ALONE, OKAY? JUST STOP THAT. STOP IT STOP IT. YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE IN DEEP SHIT.

but whenever I tell them off, I feel guilty.Fucking, fucking guilty. but if I don't tell them off, I feel so pissed. Either way, I can't concentrate on my studies. I'd really like to screw this, but I can't. This is my life.

So, therefore, I cry. Like that's gonna help. And lately I've developed stabbing back pains and really terrible cramps at my stomach. According to some people, I'm over-stressed and I need to chill out. What the fucking is wrong with me? Something. Everything.

lse signing off~

When you close your eyes and dream of silence
Do you see me there, white and dead?
When you threaten to end with violence
Do you see me there, eyes with hate?

2008-04-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

oh, didnt i tell you guys i've discontinued the story? it sucks

2008-04-10T23:17:00.001-07:00

the curtain edges swing open
you stand there ready, glamour on
the lights shine too bright; they burn
everyone waits for your best song
you start to sing, you start to dance
you start to believe the world loves you
people waited for you for months
they say your white teeth smile can kill
and everyone judges you, your mind
your voice, your looks and every move
nobody ever said they were kind
you need your limo and luxery roof
so you just perform with your bright smile
and carry out your act, glamour and all
please those standing there, mile by mile
and you wait for everyone's call

because you're that superstar that everyone is looking for.

2008-04-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

I HAVE SAILED THESE TREACHEROUS WATERS AND THIS DANGEROUS SEA WITH ONLY ONE GOAL IN MY MIND, ONE LIGHT IN THE DISTANCE AND ONLY ONE GIRL...IN MY HEART.

Chapter two
I met Jem and Jack when I was 13. They were in the same school as me, the same class. Everyone called them either "J&J" or "the twins", except they weren't really twins. They were both pale, almost supernaturally so. Other than their skin colour, they were complete opposites.

Jack was the albino-like one. His hair was platinum blond and scraggly, reaching past his chin and halfway through his neck. His eyes were light blue, but I'd mistaken them for grey at first because they were so light. Despite his washed-out colouring, he was surprisingly handsome. His face was all angles and his smile charmed girls.

Jem, on the other hand, was dark. His black hair wasn't bouncy or soft like Jack's, but instead silky and straight. It was always messed up and his side-parted fringe was so long that it constantly fell over to cover one eye.

I liked his eyes the most. They were incredibly large and deepset, like a little girl's. They were also dark and framed with long lashes. He wasn't handsome. He was a pretty boy.

They showed up at school only once in a while, but I'd memorised their faces a long time ago. It wasn't something you could forget easily. I first talked to them on 24 May, and once I knew them, there wasn't a day I left them alone.

-the past-
It was a hot day. Ruth put on her school uniform, waved goodbye to her maids and left in the opposite direction of school. Her maids probably knew she was skipping school, but their jobs were at stake, so they kept ther lips sealed.

She made her usual rounds at the mall, listening to My Chemical Romance on her mp3 player. Her looks were to her disadvantage, but she managed to work over it. Her long black wavy hair and violet eyes just screamed "unusual" in everyone's face, and people were always watching her.

Ruth walked into one of her favourite stores. It was also one of the largest. She walked to the back, looking through rows of jewelry and belts. Pretending to be casual, she lifted her head and glanced around, and that was when she spotted J&J.

They were eating vanilla ice cream by the jeans section, and they were staring at her. Shit. They knew why she was there. She straightened her back subconsciously, about to break eye contact, when Jem nodded his head in a "go ahead" gesture.

Ruth's breath caught in her throat. What did they want from her? Where they going to blackmail her if she went ahead? Her violet eyes rested on his questioningly, the doubt showing plainly on her face.

Jem smirked and whispered something in Jack's ear. He left his position and strolled up casually to Ruth, the smirk still in his eyes. His long white fingers flicked over the trays of rings, and then he slipped something into Ruth's pockets.

She watched numbly as they left. She'd just been played and she couldn't do anything at all. Slowly, she left the shop, scanning for any sign of them. None. Ruth made it to the entrance, where she broke into a run and didn't come back for two days.
-end of transmission-

I'd always known them, since my second life began. But did I really know them? Did they really know me? Did any of us care?

END OF CHAPTER 2. I KNOW I RUINED THE STORY AND THE ENGLISH IS REALLY CHILDISH. I JUST FINISHED READING "LORD OF THE NUTCRACKER MEN" AND IT WAS WRITTEN IN A KID'S POINT OF VIEW SO MY IQ DROPPED 395435431543 POINTS.

2008-04-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

i am sick.
fucking sick.
my stomach's raging a war against me.
so now, i'm "stuck" at home...with the com, tv, bed and chocolates (not that i'm supposed to eat them...*cough*)
well, i'm not gonna blog much. shit and crapiloka happends. im gonna write a short story.

Chapter one

Red and gold leaves were scattered across the path. I slouched over in my black hoodie, my red mini-skirt peeping out beneath it.The smell of smoke hung in the air, mingling with cheap perfume and the faint scent of blood. I quickened my footsteps, black army boots crunching over the gravel.

As I expected, a small abandoned building was standing/decaying around the bend of the path. Or maybe not abandoned anymore. Bright graffiti covered the walls of the first floor, and shadows flickered across the broken windows along the three-storey house. Pieces of wood lay on the front door, presumbly meant to stop people from entering but ripped out by the current inhabitants.

I pulled my hood over my head and slowed down. With or without Jem, this place was far from safe. The blood stains on the walls and floor pretty much spoke for itself. The bulge of the Smith and Wesson handgun in my pocket was little comfort. God knows where Jem got that dubious gun from.

A little chime sounded through the air. I froze, and then realized it was my cell phone. Was it Jem? It had to be him. I fumbled around my pockets, going through a bunch of notes, my keys, my license and a small pack of heroin. My fingers finally felt the shape of my phone, and I pulled it out.

"Jem?"
"Ruth?"
His voice made me smile, despite the ache of the wounds across my body.
"Jem, I need help."
"You've always did."
"Now's not the time. I got shot at."
There was a short pause. "Was that a comeback?"
"Do I sound like I'm joking? It didn't hit me, anyway. I jumped out off the second floor into bushes."
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Got a couple of scratches, no big deal." My wounds were stinging like hell, but I bit my lip.
"Who did that?"
"I don't know. I'm at your new place now. You inside? I need a roof. Fucking bastard torched down my place too. I can't even file charges. No one was supposed to be in 'my' house."
"Fuck. Don't go in. Jack's in there. I'll get you. You see my bike? Parked at the side, by those trees? Go wait for me there."

He hung up. I stood there speechlessly, staring at my phone. Jack was in there? Jack? I haven't spoken to him since four months ago. That psycho had tried everything to get me back after we broke up. He slashed Jem's tires, stole jewelry for me, got me drugs, stalked me and threatened us both. I wasn't even the sort of person who liked drugs.

I planned to ask Jem how he managed to meet Jack and survived. His bike was black, propped against some trees and rather visible. I sprinted towards it, stuffing my phone back inside.

That was when I saw the flames. It was pure, massive destrusction. One second the house was standing, and the next it was orange and red and black. Screams came out of the heart of it all, as though the house itself was dying. Heck, there was people being burned alive.

"Jem!" I screamed, my heart in my throat. This was too sudden. Three hours ago some crazy idiots come over, shoot me and burn up my house and everything inside, and now this? Who was after me? Who was doing this?

"Ruth!" Someone shouted back. And there was Jem. It was like one of those romance movies were the hero comes back after defeating the enemy, grinning, and swoops the heroine into his arms. Except this time, there was no enemy. His face was streaked with ashes and soot and there was blood on his arms.

"What the fuck did you do?" I screamed. He started his bike and ripped his shirt off, revealing a perfect upper torso. There were people, people dying in there, and I was sure Jem did that. "Jem!" I screamed again. He revved his engine, which meant "Get the fuck on".

Numbly, I shook my head. He turned to look at me, and for a moment, I was scared. Frightened. His eyes burned into mine, a look of absolute rage twisting his perfect features. And then he was gone.

I sank onto the ground, legs weak, knees buckling. There was a different kind of smoke in the air now. It wasn't cigarette smoke. It was smoke burning from the flames of life, burning and burning on.

And that was chapter one, folks. Um, did I develop the story too quickly? Anyway...I always like the name Ruth. lse signing off~

2008-04-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

So. Thank you? Or. Screw off? Or. It's Okay?

Too many.Things to react with. Not sure which is best. To make you feel better. Or. To say what I really want to say?

What. Do. You. Need. From. Me?

I.Already.Did.What.I.Had.To.Do.

As for the rest. Please tell me why. You decided to care. About me. At the only time when I DIDN'T need you.

The only time. When. I wanted to be. ALONE.

hehe. Look at that horizon. It's closing in on me. Ahh...that void.

It's turning into swirls. And GREY. and black.

SO LOOK. AGAIN. AND. THINK.
WHO'S THE ONE. I. LOVE. AND. WHO. I NEEDED.

UNTIL NOW.

and. and. and. and. and.

to the end. for so. and. always. because. i. can. feel.

(you wanted me to tell to you,HONESTLY, how i felt. there you go. i told you u wouldnt understand)
lse signing off~

2008-03-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. GODDAMIT FUCK THE SHIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
NARUTO IS LICENSED! NARUTO IS FUCKING LICENSED!!!!!!!!

NARUTO SHIPPUUDEN IS LICENSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY DICK HEADS BETTER GET THEIR GUNS READY! WE'RE GONNA GO TRASH THEIR MOTHERFUCKING HOUSES, TORCH UP THEIR COMPANIES AND SEND THEM TO MARS WITH SHREDDED DICKS AND BURNT BALLS.

GYHADGBNCBJEKGVFRGEHB UIFHKJSANFBREU.

NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
NARUTO!!! NARUTO GOMEN NE SAI. NARUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHH!! I WAN MY FUCKING GAARA!

WHY OH WHY WOULD U LICENSE NARUTO?????????????????

DONT U WISH TO CONITNUE LIVING??

*lights up torch and takes out bazooka*

dont you...

2008-03-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

THEY. LICENSED. KIRARIN. REVOLUTION. ON. CRUNCHY. ROLL.

YESTERDAY.

im sitting here, scrolling through page after page of comments (or flaming). everyone is talking about how they're gonna kill Shogakukan Production.

WHY KIRARIN??????????????????????? FUCK IT, GODDAMN ASSHOLES. WHY KIRARIN??
WHY LICENSE ONE OF THE ANIME WITH THE MOST BOLD IDEAS OF CUTESY, THE LAMEST CHARACTERS, THE BEST PLOT??????????????????????

WHY IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT, HUH? its not even that good a show. i mean, i dont see ppl licensing kiba or d.grayman or clannad. nobody's licensing higurashi. or shugo chara. and those shows are better than kirarin.

WHAT SHITHEAD WOULD LICENSE ONE OF THE MOST REFRESHING SHOWS I'VE EVER WATCHED????????????

lse. signing. off.

2008-03-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

I am displeased.

Ever since my parents started taking religion seriously, a few changes have been physically made to my house. Changes such as the presence of guang gong and guang ying niang niang. No offense to them, seriously. I myself reserve a certain amount of respect for them and the buddha. It's just that it's not MY religion. I am leaning very heavily towards Christianity. I know my mum will never respect that decision. She's open-minded in so many ways, but she can never understand my own beliefs of salvation.

Any wonder why I never go to church?

I accept this. I live under her roof, I dine with her food, I sleep in beds from her. I respect her wishes as well as her religion. But this place i call home is no longer "home". Imagine living in such a small house with 5 to 6 statues staring at you. Guarding. Protecting. It creeps the sh*t out of me. I think I felt a lot safer without them here. I guess I don't really have a choice. I just can't believe that I living...in an an-neutral household, I guess. No longer free-thinker.

It's so selfish of me. It's so selfish of me. It's so selfish of me. Especially since I know my parents keep falling sick and they need their religion to guide them through our new company. But somewhere deep down in me doesn't give a fcuk.

AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

2008-03-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

CLICK THIS OR U ARENT SEXY

2008-03-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

I SING BETTER WHEN I HAVE AN UPPER THROAT INFECTION AND INFLAMMATION. it seems to block a certain part of my mouth and it helps my voice sound richer. sadly, it hurts like shit. but i still manged to sing anyway.

maybe all the singers secretly have throat infections. wahaha.

IM NOT AT SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE I'M SICK. MAKES SENSE?

2008-03-17T00:24:00.000-07:00

picture this: siaw ee sits across her computer. her short thin fingers are rested lightly over the black keys of her logitech keyboard. there are a few tabs on her firefox window. two of them are youtube videos of daughtrey's over you and one republic's stop and stare. she repeats these two songs over and over again while trying to get inspired. her fingers dash across the keys as she writes a few sentences, and then deletes them. she those this over and over again, until she realizes that she can't write anything. because she does not truly understand this thing called "soulmate", and because the guy she loves most in the world is her older brother, followed by her father and younger brother.

she sits there, staring at the screen. after a few more attempts, she closes her Microsoft word in frustration. she visits her own blog, and then natalie's. she stares at natalie's post. it's about JCs and O levels. she's going to take it in 21 month's time. she closes natalie's blog.

i'm feeling everything today. from being depressed to totally hyper to hysterical and to extremely anxious. i can't help feeling like i was put in this world to make everyone else happy. i mean, how many times have i sacrificed myself to make others feel better? i'm not complaining. i don't mind doing this. i don't think my existence is as important as other people. u can all say stuff like "lse is nice! she's funny! she's good at writing and she's very unique. she's normal-looking, maybe even pretty except for the fact that she has no boobs and terrible skin and teeth. she's got potential to do well, but she's just to lazy."

i don't know. i've got so much to say, so much to scream about. and yet, nobody can be trusted, not really. i've learned my lesson.

TO ALL OF YOU TWO-FACED BITCHES, THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WHY I'M DEALING WITH THIS ALONE. YEAH, YOU CAN ASK ME "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? WHY WON'T YOU TRUST US? AREN'T WE YOUR FRIENDS?" WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. FRIENDS DON'T GOSSIP. I'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF ALL OF YOU BACK-STABBING EACH OTHER, EVEN THE BEST OF FRIENDS. I'VE LEARNED ENOUGH, FROM ALL OF YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, TO KNOW BETTER THAN TO TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG.

even the best of friends can turn into enemies. what's to stop you from turning against me? after all, i'm just the amoeba. small, negligible and easy to squash.

lse signing off~

2008-03-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

THE MELANCHOLY OF SUZUMIYA HARUHI ROCKS.

ANIME FANS, GO WATCH IT OR STRIP THAT "I LOVE ANIME!" BADGE OFF UR FUCKING CHEST NOW.

2008-03-13T19:27:00.001-07:00

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Very High
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

2008-03-07T18:16:00.000-08:00

thanks, you guys. im currently listening to cold play. i dont know why. i just barged into my bro's room one day and screamed "goh! i wanna start listening to coldplay!" my bro just stared at me, then he scrolled to his long list of songs and started playing coldplay. ok...coldplay was different then what i expected. it wasn't...i don't know. but it was fabulous anyway, and i LOVED it. i begged him to give me the songs, but he just shooed me away. that self-centered brat. but today, i had this urge to check the C drive to see if he did put cold play in there for me. ok. not only did i find heroes episodes from season one till 2, but there were also some other songs and albums i had requested in the past. my brother somehow seemed to think that i wld have enough common sense to check the C drive. >.>. I LOVE YOU, BRO. thank you. so much. im listening to coldplay now, and i've somehow forgiven him for DELETING msn. lse signging off~

2008-02-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

gleaming raindrops fall upon the grass
i lie next to you under the evening sky
bright rainbows reflect off pieces off glass
into the cold night as the stars cry
i slowly count the memories off my hand
and smile as the soft wind blows at us
we thread softly upon wet sand
and pray that this one love will last
your sorrow rolls of my skin like pearls
i carefully fold my pride away
let's hold on together and ride the world
and never look towards the next day
i slowly piece together all my hopes
and tie them around the pillar downstairs
braiding them with love into a rope
under your wide, beautiful stare
butterflies rest upon your hair
as you whisper stories to me
we cower under the bright sun's glare
and watch as winter birds all flee
the blue sky fades into the sea
gold ashes float upon the shore
let's leave together, just you and me
let's spread our sodden wings and soar

2008-02-23T19:25:00.000-08:00

i cant stand my mum nowadays. she's suddenly become so philosophical. it's been like that ever since radia's death. i think it affected my mum more than it affected me. i mean, all of a sudden, she thinks i can bear the weight of the world. please, im already bearing ENOUGH. i dont need to sympathize with every mother who gets knocked down, with every kid who gets murdered, with every child who has cancer. WHY CANT I JUX FOCUS ON THE GOOD STUFF? why must she keep telling me that our time together is limited? why must she keep emphasizing that she and my dad will die one day? this is WORSE than being naggy. it's like she expects me to cling on to every second, every minute i have to live. well, i've got news for you: i cant MOVE ON like this. i have to let go and move on. i lost my cool when she made me come out yesterday, halfway thru KIBA, to tell me about some motherfucking 20-year-old whose dad is gone, mum jux died, grandma jux died. I DONT CARE. I CANT SUFFER FOR EVERY OTHER PERSON'S PROBLEM. once upon a time i could feel grief for these people, but now i just feel irritated. i mean, hello, my CA week jux ended. which means i have not used the com in five days, which means i crammed like shit. i need to unwind, and my computer time is LIMITED thanks to my dear bro. call me insensitive or selfish or whatever, but NOBODY can "feel other people's suffering" when all they want to do is eat chocolates and watch anime. something simple. something fulfilling. sure, there's death and everything outside but in anime everything is perfect and u don't have to worry about nothing but the protagonist. ESPECIALLY in a SHOUNEN show like kiba. (CANT ANYBODY JUST LET ME BE SHALLOW FOR ONE SECOND? IM STILL A KID. I HAVEN'T LIVED ENOUGH. I DON'T NEED TO GO AROUND BEARING THE WORLD OF THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS). its kinda weird to have a kid dislike her mum because of something like this, isn't it? lse signing off~

2008-02-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

i feel like im drowning. there are rocks sometimes, in the middle of the vast, wide ocean, but they're so slippery. i can't seem to hold on, and i keep drifting away. the currents drag me and they batter me, but i'm hidden in my little cocoon, indulging myself further and further and pushing myself to find the true meaning of why i write. meanwhile, anime and cca has become a drastic refuge for me, not just some past time. and here i stand, watching my friends change. especially her. and i still stand by her side, hoping it's just another new craze of hers, but something tells me it's beyond that. she'd already got past that. she's new now. i still wait patiently for time to let her realize her mistakes, but suddenly it was like BOOM! the realization just hit me. she was never gonna turn back. she was moving forward, and she's just leaving me behind. and dancing in her wake are the rest my friends, all silently morphing into something far more slippery than rocks. they're morphing into icebergs. and the water suddenly turns very cold, but i still can't let go and drown, and neither can i live on. please give me a reason to keep swimming. lse signing off~

AND AGAIN

2008-02-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

shards of glass lay at my feet
sunlight shines down, soft and weak
blood stains the door and my gloved hands
i gasp and wonder where you went

i run into the broken door
my bare feet on the wooden floor
i scream your name, so loud and clear
and i pray that you can still hear

room after room i run into
my tears are falling, just for you
can you hear me? are you alive?
i know just how much you hate life

let me be worthy of your breath
let my love outshine that of death
i run up the stairs, screaming still
my legs still moving through sheer will

more blood wets the second floor
i enter the next room and fall
your corpse, on my bed, eyes so blue
your time has already been past due

i'm back to the past, this morning
where as i cook i also sing
and there you sit, eating my meal
going through the monthly bill

i leave for school, saying goodbye
i watch you smile sadly and sigh
the door slams shut, so loud and clear
your lips forming words i can't hear

i'm here again, on the cold floor
crumpled because of my lost fall
your blood still stains my white gloved hands
i wonder again where you went

the sun shines down, so soft and weak
i remember the glass at my feet
i am still falling, deep inside
oh, would you blame me if i cried?

my tears, your blood, my broken voice
i can hear nothing, no sound nor noise
yes, i am falling, falling still
because, inside, i have been killed

2008-01-31T01:54:00.000-08:00

fuck. fuckfuckFUCK. im fucking failing EVERYTHING. the only ting i actually passed in all these tests in fucking AM. WHAT THE FUCK. i failed physic, chem, em and every other fucking test i've taken so far. and to make things worse, im starting to get fucking dizzy spells. FUCKFUCKFUCK. I CANT AFFORD TO FUCKING FAIL ANYMORE. FUCKING PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS LAHX, LSE! U ONLY LISTENED FOR DE 1ST 2 WEEKS, N U'RE ALREADY FUCKING SLACKING??

physic: 1st test-0/7
2nd test-2/15
em: 9.5/30
am:9/12
chem:5/15

U FUCKING SUCK, LSE. THESE ARE NOTHING, NOTHING TO BE FUCKING PROUD OF. buck up or u're gonna fail term 1 TRAGICALLY. dun let ur mum down lyk that. she had such high hopes for u. SO FUCKING DO UR HOMEWORK N STOP COPYING. STOPPIT STOPPIT STOPPIT. FUCK. lse signing off~

2008-01-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

ahh. i feel like blogging. first time since the year started. yesterday was the first time i went out again this year. it felt GOOD, like it was back in the hols again. i slept at the sofa in the living room ytd, after watch the fast and the furios, tokyo drift. woke up at 7.20 but fell asleep again. woke up at 7.35 by my maid. i was late, obviously, tho i didnt actually HAVE to go. and surprise, surprise, me and shalin were both late and we reached the bus stop at the same time without planning to. >.>. talk about fate. after that i helped out with the flyers and stuff at interact, and when the promo officially started, i went over to lds. we fooled ard wif bern's laptop and listened to them repeat the same speech and jokes 9 times. after that zhiqing came over and changed at my hse. we bathed, seperately of cux, and ate lunch. den i charged my phone while zq went over to shalin's hse to help shalin pick out her stuff. me n angie met each other at shalin's gate, and we typed in the access code and went up to her room. we fussed around, and she ended wearing the same ting she always does. den we rushed to the bus stop, took the bus to payarlebar and met huiiwen. she waited for us for 2 hrs! she was so pissed. me n zq stood ard helplessly, trying to comfort her, while angie n shalin emoed in a corner. after a few jokes, she actually SMILED and replied. we walked around randomly n reached suntec. at suntec, we ate at macs, and shopped around. wanted to go bowling but it was too crowded. we stopped by the arcade, and spent most of the time hanging around. i mostly watched the guys play test-ur-strength machine. zq actually scored higher than a guy. after we went to marina square, i tink, n shopped more. come to tink about it, it sounds boring when i narrate it but it was actually quite fun. we left at 8.30 cux zq's dad n shalin's sis was getting angry. arghh. reached home at 9.30. with huiiwen. she ate dinner n watched tv with me till 10.45, den she left. after i helped my mum keep some stuff. i went to bed at 11.30. ahh, the first time everyone actually has TIME to go out together ever since sch started. im going again nxt sat. OH, AND HAPPY BD SHALIN. SMILES<3>

MCR

2007-12-11T18:04:00.000-08:00

im going to narrate the events of yesterday.

7 a.m. LSE wakes up. her body feels fucking tired but her eyes won't let her rest any longer. she wearily drags herself up, checks her phone and realizes its MCR day. she den sits upright, rubs her eyes, grabs her denim pleated mini skirt, underwear, some random almost see-through pink shirt and goes to bath.

7.30 a.m. LSE eats breakfast and packs her stuff. hanis had warned her not to bring a bag, but she ignores hanis's advice. she brings along her wallet, phone, mp3, umbrella, vampire knight book 1 and her 97 bucks ticket (one way ticket to moshpit hell). she tries to call huiiwen, but no one picks up.

8 a.m. LSE wakes mum up and asks her where her contacts were. mum sleepily points at shelf and rolls back to sleep. LSE opens shelf, takes out contacts and walks into bathroom.

8.30 a.m. LSE has managed to sleep in contacts into her right eye.

8.45 a.m. LSE tells herself that MCR can't enter singapore until her contacts were in. this immediately made her eye stop shutting, which let her put the contact in.

9 a.m. she and natalie smses each other. she then calls natalie after awhile.

after that, i lost track of time. hanis and huiiwen both called me and told me they had nightmares. hanis was halfway thru telling it to me when i had an incoming call from huiiwen. i left house at 10am, took de bus to payar lebar, took de train to tampines and met huiiwen. she then accompanied me to expo, which was good. but we meet 2 security guards who wont let huiiwen in, so i met a new fren who accompanied me into de barrier. after that we broke apart. i read vampire knight, gazed into space and accepted a few people's calls and smses, including hidayah and bernie. hidayah warned me about the mosh pit, and told me all the things to bring. i didnt think the mosh pit would be bad, as i'd never bought free-standing tickets to a concert. natalie came at 3.30 to accompany me, which was fucking good cux i was dying. after awhile, we met with chat. it was a good ting i went so early, cux there was loads and loads of ppl behind. natalie acquired the queue jumpA from shoba, but she sacrificed it for hanis who had to sneak out. hanis brought us water and food, which was a good ting. nat really had to RESTRAIN herself from just taking de jumpA. after awhile, we met with my junior and her brother. i pulled her into the front with us, which was VERY good for her.

when they checked our bags, i willing surrendered my bottles but told them that natalie needed hers because she needs it to take her pills for her gastric problems. the guard believed us. i innocently asked "i dont have a camera, but are phones allowed?" he said yes, assumed that i didnt have a camera in my bag of junk, and let us go. we brought in water and a camera, de only tings which was banned. we went to de side of the crowd which began to form at the stage cux it was closer to the stage. we waited for mcr for 45mins, but they didnt show up, so wad does de crowd do? some joker has a pack of condoms, so they decided to inflate it and the crowd was bouncing it around. me, not knowing that condoms could get so huge, told chat and nat that someone was playing with balloon-like objects. the tall british guy standing nxt to me sniggered and he said "those arent balloons. they're condoms." i gaped at the condoms, and laughed. it was so weird. when the music started...EVERYONE STARTED PUSHING EACHOTHER, JUMPING, SHOVING AND STEPPING ON EACH OTHER. i wished dearly more than anyting in the world to be at home at the moment.

but after awhile, i began to enjoy myself. i started jumping up and down with the crowd, screaming lyrics, and it felt sooooo much better! but then chat was still resisting the crowd, and she told me to stop jumping. i stopped, much to my disappointment. but i didnt get pushed anymore because 2 guys sort of rooted themselves to the ground in front and on my left, so they took the shoving for me. chat and nat was on my right, so they withstood the shoving for me too. i screamed lyrics and the guy in front of me kept turning back. maybe i was too loud. the first song was "this is how i dissapear" and then "dead" after that i lost track. IT WAS FUCKING FUN. i wanna do it again. people took off their shirts, waved it in the crowd and they threw water at everyone. i could only mostly see Ray, and all he did was bob his hair up and down. for a moment, i could see frank and gee! they were FUCKING HOT. i never knew frank was this hot. and their hair-waving was super stylish. AND THEY ROCK LIVE!! gee made "sleep" and "cancer" and "to the end", the 3 songs i really hated, sound really, really good. everything was so loud and barbaric, i loved it. plus we chose to stand at the side, so we were caught in the after effects of the mosh pit. gee was like "u guys wanna come bowling with us? if u all make it out there, we'll go bowling with u" in this incredibly sexy voice. AHHH!! ILU MCR. halfway thru the concert, gee suddenly said "goodnight singapore" and they left stage. there was silence and some people screamed encore. i was like "wtf? wad happened??"

and then we all just stood there...and then mcr comes back in. the crowd screamed in ecstasy (sounds like sex?) and we all started hopping agaiin. one guy tried to body surf but people pushed him away. poor hanis was stuck in the middle of the mosh pit. hidayah warned me that in the middle, u cant breathe and everything hurts. gahh. I LOVE MCR. THEY MADE SANG HELENA. when the thing ended, for REAL this time, me and nat hung around and waited for hanis. chat had to leave (that spoil-sport. a nice spoil-sport, but one nonetheless). we walked around the garbage left behind to look for hanis's ticket, and we found...shoes left behind. after that we left nat and walked around for abit, trying to find her dad. she recounted her hellish, 1000x worse than mine experience but she made me promise not to tell anyone. after that we went home. we didnt even get to throw violence the bear and nat's drawing onto the stage. that was kinda disappointing. but mcr rocked. my ears are still ringing, and everything sounded muffled after the concert. lse signging off~

2007-12-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

can u belive this? neither can i. today is MCR DAY. im gonna stalk max pavillion. dressed in a demin pleated mini skirt, mid-calve black socks with my zip-up black boots, a new player girl shirt with blue and purple butterfly designs and a badly designed orange patch on her left(dont ask how it got there), my thailand black-silver cat, a silver chain, my rose-cross ring, my leather stripe, and...thats about it. its sounds like alot, doesnt it? it actually isnt. siaw ee is great at stretching out tings which are actually small. (like her boobs). IM GONNA JUMP OFF THE CLIFF TODAY, MAY U ALL CRY OVER MY BLOODIED REMAINS. for its my ETERNITY~

2007-12-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

lse is an idiot, isnt she? because she was too impatient to wait for the next episode of one series, she would skip to another. so now she's awkwardly halfway through d. gray man, shugo chara!, paradise kiss, gakuen alice, clannad, soul link, elemental gelade, kirarin revolution, romeo x juliet. i missed d. grayman and romeo x juliet for so long that i totally forgot about the plot, so i'll hafta rewatch both. WTFFFF. oh well, at least it keeps me occupied. i bought the full set of "the omen", accompanied by 2 special features CDs. anyone wanna watch wif me? lse signing off~

quiz

2007-12-07T18:18:00.000-08:00

i got the quiz in meg cabot's book. u noe, de princess diaries one. here it is:

1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.

2. BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2, WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.

3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7, WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

4. WRITE ANYONES NAME (like FRIENDS or FAMILY...) next to 4, 5, & 6.

5................... WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11

my answers were:
1) 16
2) 8
3) leon (because me n bern toked about him on sunday night, so he popped into my mind)
4) mum
5) - (i couldnt think of anyone who could fit the number 5 except God)
6) Radia (strange, huh?)
7) - (cant think of anyone)
8) Where's the love by Black Eyed Peas
9) Forgotten by Linkin Park
10) Rose, the 1st OP single in NANA
11) Sora by UVERworld, the song I listened to over and over again when I heard abt Radia

HERE ARE THE ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:

1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2

(so please help me out, guys? post this on ur blogs..)

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

(um...leon? wait, hold on. bern, leon, before u both panic, continue reading first)

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7

(well, there isnt anyone in space 7. that figures)

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4

(my MUM? ...um...)

5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

(Oh. The one where I could'nt think of anyone else but God. He does know me well, doesn't he?)

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR

(Radia?? So sweet...)

7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3

(Where's the love? Ironic, isn't it. in case you've forgotten, space 3 is leon)

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7

(LOL. FORGOTTEN!)

9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND

(um, the lyrics are in Jap so I dont understand a think..)

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE

(Sora? It's in Jap too.)

11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER

(my reg number for this year...)

Sorry i didn't write friend's names down. all of you have orange auras, or green, so you guys didn't really fit. not that u could care less anyway. this quiz is damn accurate can. go try it.

2007-11-28T16:45:00.000-08:00

i keep having dreams. these dreams...

huyiyhuohctf8

2007-11-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

ok. im blogging again. i just felt like it, n i tot i shld blog before the feeling passes. i tink im gonna change my writing style. usually i jux record everyting. i tink im gonna actually try n make my posts FUNNY...maybe not. too troublesome. >.>. but im NOT going to use perfect english. too troublesome. im in kl now. i set off for a shopping trip with my mum at 10+am dis morning. walked for 8 hrs straight with a few tea breaks. 1st we went to a really posh place. they were practically forcing us NOT to buy their stuff. it was fucking ex. my mum bought 2 shoes. i bought 2 too. i bought 2 skirts. de end. THERE. I UPDATED AGAIN. :D. arent i nice? lse signing off~

CVBNKD

2007-10-31T20:12:00.000-07:00

i don't get it. why is everyone telling me to update? u want me to update so desperately, fine. lets start with my anime life. i jux finished watching claymore. waiting for 2nd season. downloaded 4 new mangas and deleted 2. deleted all the animes i have downloaded. watched saint beast and inukami halfway b4 stopping cux they suck. watching elemental gelade and going to watch enzai at sl's hse. encouraging yoai lovers to go watch okane ga nai. going msia 2dae and will be returning on sat. my bd was last tue, did u guys noe? i went to vivo and sentosa wif huiiwen, angie, shalin and sam. it wasnt very fun lahx, cux both places suck, but the frens were fun. angie bought me a candle holder which i broke and a pair of socks i might neva wear. shalin bought me rock candy which took me a week to finish. huiiwen got me a nice small chocie cake which i brutally, ACCIDENTLY, smashed up. sam bought me a...goat which looked lyk a horse/sheep/cow/strange animal. nat gave me a jigoku shoujo lighter. bernie gave me true sg ghost stories. hanis gave me new moon and twilight. alot more ppl gave me stuff. aishah, dhaneesha, hidayah and radia. and ah sing and ah wei goh goh. and a bunch more other ppl. >.>. ARGGHHHH, IM SECRETLY SICK OF MSIA. IM GOING THERE SO FUCKING OFTEN THAT I MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE ALL MY STUFF THERE CUX IM GOING BACK SOON ANYWAY. i jux wanna watch my anime. >.>. ohh, and MCR IS COOOMING. OMGOMGOMG I CANT WAAAAAIIIT!!!!! IM SOOOO GOING. the most ex tickets cost $95. ONLY FUCKING 95!!!! ISNT THAT AWEEESOME?? hopefully i can convince my parents to let me go time square in KL when we stop der. the escape trip with my interact frens was crushed cux, duh, it wasnt open. im taking class H, by the way. to all those stuck with C, i wish u good luck in ur further academic studies. heard that u can get out of it if u work hard. i had a quarrel with loads of ppl abt repeating the year. i would repeat if i were stuck with C. >.>. anyway...anyway.....ARRRGGHHH. IM FREEEE. AT LONG LAST SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET ELEYTHERIA IS HERE!!! eleytheria is FREEDOM in greeek. wahahaha. there, i've updated. missed out alot of impt shit but theres too much to write n i cant be bothered. lse signing off~

2007-08-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

MY GOD. YESTERDAY WAS FUCKING AMAZINGGGG!!! well, first off it was the gal gems concert. i was the carpark attendant with radia, kimberly, peihua, kimberly and hui ping. we fooled around and collected tickets frm de ppl who were parking in sch. halfway thru, we saw a black mercedes. we all crowded around it and guess who was sitting at de back seat? PAUL!! paul, who had shoulder-length black hair and red lipstick. at de concert, which was held at de studio, we listened to paul sing. at first he came up bcux der was some difficulty and he was told to stall some time. he started telling at REALLY lame jokes and we all laughed. stuff about superman and his suit. we were all screaming "JUST SING." he was lyk "but ders no music". we said "WE DONT CARE. JUST SING." "uhh....what song?" "Hey There Delilah!!" so he started singing.n and when he finished he did dis stupid "tadah" bow thing and it was so funny! we were like "SO CUTE" and everyone were taking pictures. after that some popular malay band called "sleek" came up. one of them was uber cute and de other one was uber handsome. and, oh my god, can they SING. after that taqinah's sis came up and some tkgians oso came up. de interactors were huddled upstairs cheering like mad. AND AISHAH AND KHALIESAH AND THEIR 2 FRENS WERE SITTING IN FRONT OF DE JUDGES. when all de people came up to the 2nd floor of de studio, we all bombarded them for photos and autographs. HAHA. my frens were dragging me along to take pictures with them. paul drew a stupid looking monster for everyone's autographs. SO CUUTE. and then when de thing ended, de dear interactors cleared up everything and i left with hidyah and someone else. AND WE SAW A GROUP OF THE SINGERS LINGERING OUTSIDE THE SIDE GATE. i dashed to de gate and tried to yank it open but it was locked. i screamed "ITS FUCKING LOCKED! NOOOOO." and the singers turned around and stared at us. den me, hidyah and radia made a mad dash for de front gate and to de bus stop. when we reached there, they were gone. i was like "FUCK. NOO." because i didnt even ask for their autographs. den, miraculously, they came out of caltex and i screamed "ITS THEM!!" and then i went up, pointed at the two sleek guys and said, "can i take a photo with u?" they were like "sure" and so i stood in between them and hidayah snapped a photo for us. and then de cute sleek guy wrote his phone number on hidayah's hand. HAHAHA. after that we just sat around outside de bus top with seow shi and waited for them to leave. MY GOD. half of them left by taxi. when they got in, we screamed "BYE" and they were like "yeah, bye". LOL. the other half was still hanging around. after about 15 mins, they got into bus 10! i pushed hidayah to the bus cux hidayah can take bus 10 too. haha. when she left, i took bus 43 home. HAHA. i called hidayah on de bus and she was like "U IDIOT. U JUST GOT ME ONTO A 45 MINUTE RIDE LONGER THAN MY USUAL BUS" HAHA. i was grinning to myself on de bus and de woman in front of me was staring at me weirdly. HAHAHA. IT WAS AMAZING. it was fucking late n i didnt noe. by de time i got home, i was still hyper. now im aching all over and my body fucking hurts. GAH. OH WELL, IT WAS SUPER AWESOME. oh, and i saw leonard. he forgot my name but it doesnt matter. HAHA. I LOVED YESTERDAY. I WAS STANDING FRM 5PM TILL 11PM!! i was chatting wif zing and amanda. there a few other singers but i forgot their names. one of them was snobby. when hidayah asked him to remove his shoes, he was lyk "im going to perform later. how can u ask me to perform without shoes? how can u??" OH PLEASE, EVERYONE ELSE TOOK OF THEIR SHOES. EVEN SLEEK. haha, sleek was so cute. they were like "uh, this is our first time performing without shoes". GAHAHAHAHA. im going insane. shall never forget yesterday night. i had an awesome dream. HAHA. SO CUTE, THEY WERE SO CUTE. and one of de sleek guy's sis is a sec 1 in tkgs! taqinah's sis has an awesome voice. MY GOD, THEY WERE ALL SO FUNNY. lse signing off~ (u all should have paid $12 bucks to come! i would have paid 30!! it was FUCKING AWESOME)

2007-07-26T00:49:00.000-07:00

PEOPLE. loads to report...!!...but im not going to. haha. going to bernie's church on sat again cux she lent me her harry potter book...and by the way...HARRY POTTER ROCKS. LOVE THE ENDING. I SMOTHERED IT WITH HUGS AND KISSES! JK ROWLING IS A MAGICIAN IN DISGUISE!! lolx. hanis n sharon are now interested in vk and fairy cube. i cant think of 2 more people more unlikely to read these books. im going to bernie's church wearing a floor-length pale brown skirt borrowed from shalin, a hot pink and white striped top i bought in msia (which i wore only once for chinese new year), my black converse shoes ( with a floor-length skirt?), my tiger-tooth necklace, my chinese pouch (seriously chinese-ish) with side-parted hair and im bringing christopher! im going to look very, VERY weird. bernie said that if i looked too strange, she'll pretend she doesnt know me. LOL. a skirt, a very weird looking top (there's a reason why i only wore it only once in my whole life) and a chinese pouch?? my shoes will be hidden, of course. and i'll look unique enough for people to notice me. YEAH. lolx. huiiwen n shalin going to angie's church only cux they wanna see angie's CRUSH!! and by the way, i got 32 for maths! WHOOOO. and i got 16min for my ahem ahem! im going for de 3km in east coast park wif wenn, bern n nat! and mebbe angie! YAAAY. im watching d gray man now. haha. my mom fully supports my new weird style! strange mum but wad do u expect from a fashion designer?? and i passed my chinese compo! lse signing off~

2007-07-20T03:02:00.000-07:00

haha. loads to report. lets start with last sun shall we? i went to church wif bernie and i brought christopher! pics of him, pls check her blog! i scared loads of ppl wif my dear chris but it doesnt matter! they scaredy cats! XDXD. i lost my phone on mon! a woman found it n returned it to my mom shortly after but my mom didnt return it. i was so relieved when my mum gave it bak lahx! i tot i relli lost me! my mom told me she kept it first n didnt tell me bcux she wanted to teach me a lesson. it did, indeed. 2dae i skipped sch. went to de museum to watch our sch's drama team perform! i left at 1st period n came bak 1 hr late for pi. de other schs had horrid acting n pronunciation and our sch was best but our script sucked so...we didnt win. >.>. ahh well, they were all good! we were great! it was de finals so it was obviously really hard to compete with de rest! i came bak and sat down for only 15 mins and den pi ended. der was a relli sweet quote : "if we had to choose between loving u n breathing, we would use our last breath to tell u we love you". sweet right? after that i went for regular service! walked door to door for 2 flats! we did a survay n those hu werent in, we jux slotted a flyer in n left. it was soooo fun! n it relli helped me see how de rest of singapore leaved. some places were really, really dirty. some were beautiful. i tink i learned alot todae. of course, we had sooo muxh fun wif aishash n hidayah! and halfway thru, de dep gals came to help us! haha. i brought home a free pen! imw atching harry potter nxt week wif hanis! whoo. i felt...great. i sat bus 135 wif deniisha, haziyah n sarah. i listened to dem gossip abt tchers n dey dropped at payah lebar! i met sreya again halfway thru! we chatted n we said goodbye! ahh, i feel clean. lyk i jux went swimming! imw atching chobits now! lse singing off~

2007-07-07T04:55:00.000-07:00

I cancel out what I said in my last post. i will willingly renounce mcr for wicca, but i doubt wicca will actually require me to do that. i bet its highly encouraged to drop any form of anything lyk mcr, but its not compulsory right?

2007-07-07T04:34:00.000-07:00

i love "thank you for the venom" and "I Never Told You What I Do for a Living" by mcr! de two newest songs that i like so much i'll put them in my mp3. i was reading up about witchcraft and wicca. urg, im fallin in love wif mcr! im already getting attached to them. i was reading up about what wicca was all about. mother nature. thanks to mcr, i have decided not to join wicca because wicca was all about nature and mcr is definitely not the "soft breeze on ur skin", nature-loving band. and i like mcr too much to give it up, so i cancelled wicca from my list of "possible witch practices". now im reading up shamanism and pagan. i've already decided to never do curses nor pay ppl to do curses for me because every bad thing you do with magick, it comes back 3 times worse. karma. hmmm. im gonna buy my missionary doll by next week! :D. im naming him christopher oblivio apostoli. christoper means "christ-bearer" in english, oblivio means "oblivion" in latin and apostoli means "missionary" in latin. i added in apostoli because he IS missionary and that was his original name after all. ahh, thanks to excessive amounts of time spent with the drama-queen and emotionless girl (they are so opposite. i never noticed), i have believed in ghosts again and other forms of night creatures. im buying my missionary doll wif huiiwen! she chose dis really pretty doll with elaborate curls and pale skin called balenche. she's naming it rosenia mary-ann bell. nice name. :D. we're gonna buy it together! ok, im gonna read abt pagan. lse signing off~

2007-07-03T01:38:00.000-07:00

i feel rebellious. its true that siaw ee suddenly became hardworking this year. everything in moderation, including moderation. i have always been like this until last year. last year was the only year where i have been so carefree. well, only year ever since i was pri 5. this year i changed back to normal and everyone tells me i have improved. wow. what a surprise. but all of a sudden, i feel like switching back to last year. don't study! just fail everything and be done with it. :D. so lse decides to spend, get this, 100+ to 200+ bucks on a DOLL. yes, a doll. lse is usually so careful with her cash, unlike her dear brother who bought a 1k guitar, bought a really expensive phone and is now planning to buy a new mp3. i told myself to never be like him and save my cash for my future in case i dont have a job. if i dont have a job, at least i'll have a bit of cash so i can actually eat. but now lse decides to spend so much money on a DOLL. in msia, she wanted to buy a 130 rm wallet. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? im on the verge of failing 3 subjects and i dont care? why dont i care? this is bad....HAHAHAHAHA. ohh well, i shall try to stay studious for a few more months. i shall try. my blog post sounds like bernie's one. o.0. lse signing off~

2007-07-03T00:44:00.000-07:00

BLAH HAHA

my mom

2007-06-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

im the worst combination any mother can create. a lazy, unobservant girl wif no sense of direction or common sense wif a weak body who cant eat seafood and refuses to eat food wif a heavy taste or flavour. when i miraculously managed to get into tkgs, my mom tot de paper was printed wrongly. >.>. when i wear body-hugging shirts, im so thin that ppl tink im either anorexic or my parents are abusing me. ohh joy. yet i cant stop eating, so my mom wastes a large amount of money supplying me wif chocolate and chips everyday. i guess i AM very lucky that i haf a mum who has a huge amount of patience, otherwise i'd be dead now...or given away. XDXD. when i was young all i did was cry and drink water. i'd only eat food when i was half asleep. if i sleep after 11pm, i'll be more likely to get sick and i'll haf minor body aches and headaches. as a result, i sleep very early. i shall dedicate dis entry to my superman mother who somehow managed to raise a girl who lost tings on a daily basis and also got lost, who would only eat only when she was half-asleep (when she was young anyway), who would cry when she wasnt asleep, who refused to study and was so naughty that her mom was called to sch very often,who..uhh, i tink tts it. compared to my bro who gets straight As, who never cries and even takes care of me when my mom is busy, who...umm, eats like normal human beings..im lyk some kind of devil child sent from hell for de sole purpose of torturing my mom to within an inch of her sanity. 3 cheers for de incredible mom!! lse signing off~

2007-06-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

ytd, sth reminded me of a jewelry box my mom used to haf. a music/ jewelry box wif a mini ballerina. dis morning, i went to ask my mom where it went. i used to play with it when i was young. so my mom opened dis drawer half filled with boxes of all sorts. big, small tiny boxes. she opened 2 jewelry/ music boxes and showed me de stuff inside. den she took out all de boxes and opened dem. der was so much jewelry lahx, plus all of it is real. my mom used to be rich cux she used to work. she laid de boxes out on de bed and showed me how de diamonds sparkled, even in de dark. de music box was still open, and de music was...sad. and as i sat der, staring at all de gold, silver, jades, pearls and diamonds, my mom was thinking about her past. den she told me one day, all these would be mine. damn, i'll be rich when that "one day" comes...de day she dies. kinda sad, it would be bitter sweet, that "one day". den my mom started crying. >.>. she was all sad and stuff abt her past. lolx. lse signing off~